Merry Christmas to Me....and You Too!

When I was asked recently what I wanted for Christmas, it struck me that the answer was “nothing”. I’ve said for years that I have enough stuff, so I don’t need anything. This was usually a lie, because there was always something I wanted. This year is certainly different though. I simply couldn’t be more serious when I say I don’t want anything.

You can blame it on the motorcycle accident, mostly. There’s nothing like coming within an inch of dying to make you realize that all the things around your house are just that….’things’. They really aren’t important. In fact, the house itself isn’t important. I’ve lived in a house for the last five years that I can’t stand. It is too big, too remote, and sits on five acres of grass that I have no desire to mow. Mowing my “lawn” takes me nearly three evenings. During the summer, it has to be cut every week. Add that time up when you are bored. So the house can go too.

So I look around the house, and realize that anything I might possibly want for Christmas, I already have. And anything I don’t already have, I know where to get. And for the most part, the things I really want can’t be purchased. Things like:

- A new chance in a new relationship. I absolutely destroyed my last marriage. I have nobody to blame but myself for everything that came crashing down. I’ve now been given a chance to try and build a new one, and hopefully I’ve learned enough in my life to not smash it into tiny bits. I need to figure out that not many people will put up with me, and this is an opportunity I shouldn’t neglect.

- A new chance at raising a son. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Tim and Daryl with all my heart. I would kill, die or anything else I’m asked to do for them. They are my world. However, I made many mistakes raising them too. I’d like to think I’m smarter now. My new relationship gives me the opportunity to apply what I’ve learned. I’m actually amazed that anyone would give me another opportunity like this, and I am determined to do it right.

- Life. I simply can’t say enough about the 2nd chance at life that I’ve been given. So many times in my life, after some minor incident, I’d say “I nearly died”. I won’t say that as often as I used to. I now know what it is like to actually nearly die. I’m still here, so I plan to take advantage of that little fact.

That’s about it for me. I don’t need very much else to be happy right now. I got my citrus from my mom last week, and I would certainly never try and discourage her from sending that. Florida citrus is just one of life’s great joys. I also got a package from Tim. He sent it before I said I didn’t really want anything. I’m not going to argue about that either, because he always sends me something interesting. I told Daryl that a hug was sufficient. Let’s see if he sticks to the deal.

As for the New Year….maybe a few resolutions are in order.

- To get home to Florida and see my mom more often. She’s 70. I’ve missed far too much with her between the military and life.

- To reestablish a bond with my two sons. I’ve let both of them down immensely in the past, and they deserve better.

- To work every day to ensure that I don’t torpedo another relationship.

- To make sure that Carter has a happy home every day.

- To sell this monstrosity of a house.

- To somehow gain forgiveness from those that I’ve hurt; and forgive those that have hurt me.

- To just stop playing online poker. Until the U.S. Government gets off its hind end and regulates this game, I won't play it again. It is provably rigged and shouldn't be touched by those on American soil until America fixes the problems.

- OK, that last one was a commercial, but I can't help myself sometimes. I just know if I succeed at each of the above resolutions, I will have had an amazing year. I will do my best.